I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
