Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
