blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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