When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
