i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
