I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
