Having a random hookup so left but love u
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
