i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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