i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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