I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
