Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
