I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
