dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
