how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
