my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize