Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
