pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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