Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
