How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
