i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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