It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
