4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
