We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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