once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
