One girl and one boy is just not enough.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
