i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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