I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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