i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
