you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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