the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
