You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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