Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
