Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
