Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
