She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
