We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
