Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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