you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
