guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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