And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
