I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
