dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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