You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
