Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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