I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
