I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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