She is in my trunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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