I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
