omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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