Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
