So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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