He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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