she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize