well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
