dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
