i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
