No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
