dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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