so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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