Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
