i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
