i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
