I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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