I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
