I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
