i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
