not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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