got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
