Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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