I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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