bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
