dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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