I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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