I'm laying in your front yard are you home
only you would photoshop your dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
